My husband is a stupid jerk!

Well we all know this already but there is this one thing he does bugs the hell out of me.

He will sometimes go to a fight gym about 1 hour away from where we live. He will leave home Saturday morning and normally does one or two of their classes, then Lord knows what he does the rest of the day. He says he and friends go out, he get a bite to eat, then he pops in to see his mum. He will then usually text me in the evening and say that he is pretty tired or had a few drinks and doesn’t want to drive home so he’ll be back in the morning.

So he calls me around 3pm saying he’s done with classes but just waiting for his friends to finish. He then says they’ll probably go out and it’ll be a late night so he asks me do I prefer he comes home really late or the next day? He does this crap all the time, especially during the height of his affair. He has already decided he’s not coming home, but he’s putting the ball in my court acting like he’s giving me a choice. But they are really none choices because if I say come home tomorrow, he feels better because I’ve given him permission not to come home, and if I say come home, that it doesn’t matter how late, he will text me really late that night and tell me he’s too tired or whatever to drive and seeing as it’s really late he might as well wait until tomorrow to come home. He has already decided he’s not coming home.

So I told him it didn’t matter. He got all defensive and said ‘what do you mean it doesn’t matter? Because you want to leave me anyway?’ I simply say ‘Yes.’

Yes I’m leaving because he continues to pull antics like this! He will mope and pout and tell me how he has done everything in his power to save our marriage and that he doesn’t know what else to do; that he’s tried his best but his best isn’t good enough.

You’re damn skippy his best isn’t good enough! If a man was spending lots of time away from home for no good reason while cheating on his wife, but now really wanted to save his marriage – he better start coming home at night! Don’t ask your wife whether it’s ok that you don’t come home, don’t make her sit at home wondering what you’re really getting up to by being sketchy with information. Don’t get mad and defensive when she’s not ok that you don’t want to come home. But if you insist on doing all these things anyway, don’t get mad that she wants to leave your lying cheating ass and don’t pretend that you tried really really hard ( sob sob) when the only thing you tried really hard at doing was covering your tracks and keeping your stories straight!

Quite frankly he’s lucky I don’t do a Beyonce and take a baseball bat to his Mercedes Benz!

Foreboding?

image┬áThree days until my 7th wedding anniversary ….and I feel a weird foreboding. Maybe just anxiety, anticipating sadness? I dunno. I was hoping to try and forget about it, hoping the day would somehow go unnoticed, hoping husband doesn’t remember but he does. ‘Want to do something to celebrate?’ He asked me. No. What would we be celebrating exactly?

Ughhh

Apologies for the weird, short, rambly post. Sometimes you just have to get it out ya know?

Good news!

I got offered a job! Woohoooo!!!!

Very pleased as I hadn’t done an interview in over 10 years and I knocked it out of the park!

Now I’ve got to figure out childcare and find something that won’t take all of my pay check!

will feel a bit strange leaving my youngest in childcare but she’s nearly two so I think she’ll be fine!

Happy days!

Can someone lose empathy or did they never have it?

This is the one question that has baffled me ever since I sensed something was wrong with husband and I and discovered he was having an affair. He just didn’t seem to be particularly moved by the pain that he was causing me. I found this so terribly confusing and hurtful.

You see when husband and I started dating he seemed so empathic. He talked about wanting to start a charity in his mums name, he was made a minister at the church we went to. He would give church members money whom he knew didn’t have very much. When our neighbour lost his dad, husband suggested we give them quite a large amount of money to help towards funeral costs. We also did some shopping for them as they had just had a baby.

But suddenly he changed, he seemed to become very cynical about life and people. He started saying ‘I just don’t give a damn.’ He sure stopped giving a damn about me.

When Dday happened I didn’t understand his behaviour, he seems almost cold. I was 6 months pregnant and devastated and he just went right ahead and carried on his affair. There wasn’t any ‘Uh uh my wife has found out.’ He and his girlfriend just simply carried on as if I didn’t exist.

Even till this day he doesn’t seem to fully grasp what he has done to me. There have been moments of realisation but I can’t help but think those were a bit fake, just words he had read somewhere that sound like the right thing to say. He never really seemed to have a desire to help me through this. I always felt that he believed that if he just gave me a bit of time that I would somehow get over it.

So I wonder if someone can have empathy and then lose it? Or maybe he never had it and it was all pretend?

To the betrayed spouses reading, did your partners ever seem to grasp the pain that they cause?

This question led me to google who led me to the term ‘narcissist’ and as I researched more ‘covert narcissism’.

Even after everything that has happened I still can’t get over the fact that the man I knew at the beginning who was so emphatic somehow lost it – or worse that he never had it and it was all pretend.

Anxiety my good ‘ol trusty friend

So, I’ve managed to line up two job interviews this week for some part time work which is great!

Then…..the anxiety sets in and the worry begins. How will I do in the interviews? What hours shall I accept, how much will I have to pay for childcare? Etc etc… It’s never ending. Sigh.

I met up with my friend last week and she thinks I shouldn’t leave the house as she’s worried it will be very difficult for me, renting with 3 kids will be very expensive. I know all this and it would be much much easier if husband leaves – especially for the kids, but I can’t help but dream about starting afresh without husband having such easy access to me. Beside he will help towards the rent as he would like his kids to be comfortable. But maybe I’m being too optimistic, my friend reminded me that people tend to be less cooperative when they’re not getting their way. This is why I need a job so I’m not too reliant on him. I also have a small business I’ve started but need to invest a little bit more money into it before I can start making money! Everything seems like such a catch 22 at the moment.

I can’t believe he did that#2

Husband could feel I was slipping away. He didn’t like not knowing what was going on in my head so he did what any self respecting cheater with narcissistic controlling tendencies would do:

‘Husband hacks into my emails and changes the settings so he will also receive every single email that I receive.’

I noticed that my emails weren’t downloading onto my phone anymore, it kept asking me to verify my password – ofcourse because he’d changed the password in order to get it.

I figured out he had got into my email and changed all my passwords but for some reason the notification that said that he was now getting all my emails went into the junk folder so I didn’t discover he was getting all my emails until a few days later!