What’s worse than D-day?

Dday was pretty bad, I have no suitable adjective to describe it. It was as if the air was sucked out of my lungs; my heart stopped beating; my world shattered. The shock and confusion giving way to searing pain and sobbing.

What was worse than that day was that after I confronted my husband and he denied but eventually admitted, was that he didn’t seem to care enough. I look back on it now at it all seemed so … shallow… As if it was a game to him. He was so reluctant about everything. Reluctant to give me any info, reluctant to give me any promises and any ….well comfort. He simply carried on the affair. As if I didnt matter at all.

Then, when we seperated after I had asked him to out, he would come over to the house and sit on the couch looking lost and miserable. He missed the kids and I apparently. However he would leave and go right back to his girlfriend.

After a year, he begged and pleaded and swore he had changed. He seemed broken. I agreed to a second chance. After I insisted over and over again, he finally wrote an email to his girlfriend ending the relationship and all contact. Her reaction was … Seemed staged and strange but I pushed the thought away determined to give my marriage another chance.

But something didn’t feel right. Ofcourse because they resumed contact pretty much immediately and I found an email where he backtracked on everything he had written in the original email.

I said I was done. I had had enough. He agreed to move back out. But he hasn’t.

He continues to maintain that he hasn’t contacted her since that last email. But we both recently celebrated our birthday, in the back of his car I find a card….from her to him… Signed ‘your lady.’

Since he won’t leave, I will. But with kids and no funds – I’ve got to come up with a plan.

Whats worse than Dday is knowing that someone who claims to love you can look you dead in the eye and lie over and over again.

whats worse than Dday is knowing that he cares more about himself than any pain he is causing me.

Whats worse than Dday is realising that I gave him all I had and now I’m stuck.

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18 thoughts on “What’s worse than D-day?”

  1. Oh Lionness…I am shattered with you. But YOU ARE NOT STUCK. I don’t know where you live, but have you seen an attorney? Gotten any kind of an investigation? Did you all do any counseling (although my H lied to two different counselors – dead in the eye – over and over again). Talk through what you are thinking and this community will help you any way we can. I know you can’t see even a smidge of hope for yourself, but we can and will be your strength for now. Hugs. And more hugs. And GREAT BIG HUGS. You are not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you- we did counselling a month after the affair started but I didn’t have any proof back then and he denied it when I asked him. Counselling was also used as a way for him to put me down as a wife.
      It’s very difficult to explain but I haven’t been able to get through to him, he does what he wants it seems and he lies so easily. He’s not willing to be honest so there’s no chance.
      I

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      1. I do NOT advocate staying with a person who continues to lie and cheat and abuse you and your faithfulness. And shame on any counselor who didn’t see thru his manipulations-turning things to point at you. I am so sorry.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I saw a counsellor by myself for a while but it’s gotten too expensive so had to stop. It really helped as I started talking I realised how much I put up with and how angry I really was at husband. I was never really allowed to express my anger at the affair.

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      3. Your anger was, and is, justified. You can express it here all you want! I am in a support group in my city…it has been enormously helpful. The cost is technically $10 a week…but if people can’t pay they can still come. It has helped me work through so many issues, find my voice again, etc.

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      4. Finding your voice is so important isn’t it? I am looking for a support group near me but no luck yet, blogging is helping though. Connecting with people you’ve never met but who ‘get’ it and care.

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      5. Yes…that voice…really really important, at least for my healing. This amazing place has been another kind of important support and I’m deeply, DEEPLY grateful to have found it and you all…

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    1. Thanks KC – I have some friends but try not to burden people , everyone has their problems. Family is ….well complicated, his mum is aware of some of what’s going on. But she is of the opinion that you stick with your marriage regardless of what’s going on.

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  2. This story sounds familiar to me and now I see you reference an old blog. If I think it’s who it is, I’ve been wondering about you! I don’t want to email you at the old email address because I don’t know if he has access to it and risk you being exposed, but email me at divorcewithme@yahoo.com. I don’t want to give any identifying details away here either so I hope I’m right. Xoxo

    If it’s not you, I apologize but look forward to this new friendship!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh you’re right! I’m who you think I am – I thought if anyone would make the connection it would be you lol. I’m still deciding about the old blog – and what to do with it. But he literally read everything and twisted things to try and use them against me. Apparently He said I was getting advice from a bunch of bitter women. Things escalated quoted badly after that. You might remember that he said he would leave the house in March but that hasn’t happened so it’s time I took action myself. Thanks for reading and for your email – will email you xx

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