Not why did my husband have an affair, but why isn’t he able and willing to fix it?
I’m leaving him, in my mind there is no going back. But I still can’t help but wonder this. I read blogs about couples in reconciliation and sometimes the spouse who cheated has been broken open, is sharing, is trying hard. I wonder how I managed to pick the guy who wants the easy road; who wants to get away with breaking my heart and keeping me around; who wants to continue to lie, hide, and deflect blame? Why isn’t my guy the one sobbing on his knees begging for a second chance.
I’ve read so much about narcissistic personality disorder and toxic people and I know these are traits that my husband has and it explains so much. And rationally I know it’s more about him than it is about me.
But sometimes on days like today I just wonder why? Maybe it’s that he isn’t able or maybe it’s that he doesn’t want to, but either way it still hurts, and it still makes me so sad.