Operation fundraising off to a rocky start

What does one need to leave her husband? Money.

In order to raise funds I decide to start selling things on eBay. I listed one of those baby activity centres things that my youngest no longer uses and cue excitement when someone wants to buy it. This would be a great Kickstarter to my fund pot.

The sale is agreed and I go into the garage to retrieve the item to prepare it…. And it’s not there.

Hmmm….I ask husand where it is and he’s sure he put it in the garage. I had kept it in our home office but when husband moved back in he moved it into the garage. But it isn’t there. We both search the garage and it’s not there, it’s a pretty sizeable box so would be hard to miss.

I ask husband if maybe he’s thrown it away? He says no. We had a massive clear out when he moved back in with lots of things taken away to the rubbish tip – we had someone come and take things away but I was there to oversee everything. However husband made a few trips to the tip himself to throw bits away. So it’s possible he could have thought it was rubbish?

The thing is, husband lies, so if he did accidentally throw it away he won’t tell me. So I’m left ┬áconfused and frustrated because apparently this bulky baby toy has vanished into thin air or developed legs and walked away on its own! Now I don’t want to accuse husband falsely but the fact is this item was in the house and now it’s not! I checked the house knowing it couldn’t be anywhere because it’s such a bulky box that we wouldn’t have been able to keep it anywhere else. Could one of the kids have moved it? Well the oldest is 5 and wouldn’t even be able to lift it. Maybe someone got into the garage and stole it? We have a computer in the garage, why would a thief leave the computer and take a bulky baby toy?

This reminds me of an incident a couple of years ago – I bought a lovely picture but the frame was too heavy for the wall. I thought I would buy a new frame for it so put it in storage under the stairs safely. I then forgot about it but few months later I see the picture in the back of the garage, the frame is chipped and glass broken. Husband must have broken it by accident and hid it in the garage. Why not just say it broke accidently? Why hide it away when I would find it eventually? When I asked him about it he ‘doesn’t know, can’t remember.’

I’m just a bit frustrated because I lost out on money I would have made from the sale but also the confusion of where the heck could this thing be??


What’s worse than D-day?

Dday was pretty bad, I have no suitable adjective to describe it. It was as if the air was sucked out of my lungs; my heart stopped beating; my world shattered. The shock and confusion giving way to searing pain and sobbing.

What was worse than that day was that after I confronted my husband and he denied but eventually admitted, was that he didn’t seem to care enough. I look back on it now at it all seemed so … shallow… As if it was a game to him. He was so reluctant about everything. Reluctant to give me any info, reluctant to give me any promises and any ….well comfort. He simply carried on the affair. As if I didnt matter at all.

Then, when we seperated after I had asked him to out, he would come over to the house and sit on the couch looking lost and miserable. He missed the kids and I apparently. However he would leave and go right back to his girlfriend.

After a year, he begged and pleaded and swore he had changed. He seemed broken. I agreed to a second chance. After I insisted over and over again, he finally wrote an email to his girlfriend ending the relationship and all contact. Her reaction was … Seemed staged and strange but I pushed the thought away determined to give my marriage another chance.

But something didn’t feel right. Ofcourse because they resumed contact pretty much immediately and I found an email where he backtracked on everything he had written in the original email.

I said I was done. I had had enough. He agreed to move back out. But he hasn’t.

He continues to maintain that he hasn’t contacted her since that last email. But we both recently celebrated our birthday, in the back of his car I find a card….from her to him… Signed ‘your lady.’

Since he won’t leave, I will. But with kids and no funds – I’ve got to come up with a plan.

Whats worse than Dday is knowing that someone who claims to love you can look you dead in the eye and lie over and over again.

whats worse than Dday is knowing that he cares more about himself than any pain he is causing me.

Whats worse than Dday is realising that I gave him all I had and now I’m stuck.

Blog Reincarnation

I had a blog here for about a year and built up a decent following and connected with a few fellow bloggers who shared and understood my story.

Then my husband discovered said blog and was very upset and demanded I take it down. I didn’t. But I did make it private until I decided what to do with it.

I could no longer write from my heart after my husband discovered it. He took everything I wrote and twisted it to use against me. He tends to do that.

So I’m starting anew and hope I will reconnect with some old bloggers from the previous blog and hopefully some new ones.

I also better cover my tracks a bit better this time.